I find it almost incredible that, by the time you read this letter, I will be starting my second year as your minister. This first year has sped past: starting to get to know you; finding my way around; beginning to discover what being a minister is all about. They don't really prepare you for that in college - but then again, they can't. Until you're actually in post, it's impossible to tell, and the answer is different for everyone anyway. So what's the story according to Sarah: what is it like being a minister, now I'm finding out in practice, not in theory?
Something I've discovered only recently concerns the Perfect Minister. I came to Sheffield determined to become the Perfect Minister, once I'd worked out what she looked like. And there were a lot of facets to her personality! I needed to find out from you what the Perfect URC Minister, the Perfect University Chaplain, the Perfect Family Minister and many more aspects of the Perfect Minister were like, so that with prayer and hard work I could begin to turn into her.
But do you know what I discovered? The Perfect Minister doesn't exist! I could find no blueprint of her specifications, no limit to her achievements. She was an invention of my own mind, and impossible to emulate.
When I tried to be the Perfect Minister, I just got exhausted and depressed (because apart from anything else, she has far more stamina than I do!). But now that I've seen through her, I can put my energy into being me as a minister, instead. I wish I'd realised that years ago, because I have a strong suspicion the Perfect Christian doesn't exist, either, and I used to try to be her... But if being a minister isn't about conforming to some ideal vision, what is it about?
Am I a leader, showing us the road ahead? Leadership is certainly part of my calling, but I'm glad to say that our structures make it hard for me to stride out ahead so fast I vanish up the road. We operate as a leadership team in the Elders Meeting, and significant decisions must also be agreed by Church Meeting. The process is slower than one person saying Do this! but it also means that once we have decided our direction, we can put all our weight behind it.
I'm glad it is not just my own discernment that is decisive. But that may sound like a bit of a cop-out. After all, I get paid for being a minister, so what do I do for our church that others cannot? I visit people, but many of you do that faithfully. I lead worship and preach, but others in our congregation have such skills, and I would encourage more of you to explore such gifts.
One of the privileges of ordination has been leading Communion: in our grand, formal style at morning service, or more informally at the Elders retreat, the University retreat and the Maundy Thursday Passover meal. That particular aspect of ministry moves me more than I can express.
But it seems to me that my own particular way to be a minister lies in asking questions - and getting you to give your own answers. For I'm coming to the conclusion that my ministry, my way of following Jesus, is about helping each of you to work out your ministries: to discover God at work in your own lives, and to join in God's work. That's much more important than being a Perfect Minister!